Ciao lovelies! Today’s post was inspired by a problem that I’m
sure hits almost every person my age, that existential crisis question of “What
Am I?”
I know I’ve been writing a lot of opinion pieces lately, and
I apologize, but I’ve had a lot of things on my mind as of late, and blogging
is my way of “thinking out loud,” so to speak. It also helps me to articulate
my feelings on these issues and to reach out to others possibly feeling the
same as I do.
Recently I’ve been struggling with the idea of contentment
in myself. I never feel satisfied with my own accomplishments, and my dreams
and goals even seem ridiculous at times to myself. I often ask myself, “What Am
I? What do I want to be in life? Where am I going? Why do I feel so lost?”
I know it’s pretty common for college students to feel this
way. The huge transition from childhood to adulthood leaves most of us feeling
pretty lost and displaced, questioning our identities, goals, and dreams. If
most are anything like me, they’ll even question whether they’re truly “adults”
and what being an adult means, and why they are still so unpredictable and
unable to settle on one thing.
Part of the reason my blog is so non-niche (other than just
wanting to appeal to more than one set of people), is because I am pretty
unspecified in my interests. I can’t just be interested in one thing forever.
My mind bounces all over the place. I like to write different things, research
different things, I get philosophical at times, and other times I only care
about fashion, or crafting, or Monster High.
I feel distraught, and along with my question of “What am I”
I also think, “When will I be satisfied?
When will I find something that will
make me happy and content to never adventure again?”
It will never happen.
My family lineage traces back to many places, like most
people’s these days. My ancestors were sailors, and nomads, and crafters, but
also homesteaders and settlers and farmers- where I come from is as diverse as
my interests.
I have to wonder if the reason my generation is so
unsatisfied is because we’re meant to do great things? Are we meant to traverse
great lands and learn new things and build great technologies? Are we meant to
explore the galaxy and meet new peoples and learn languages yet unformed?
Are
we intended to be the forefront of opportunity and growth, of creation and
innovation, of science and learning and love? Is this why we wonder so often
what we are to become, because we are to become so many great things, that not
one answer will ever satisfy us?
We’re explained away as the “lost” generation, stuck behind
phones and screens and slaves to medicines and disorders and chaos- but what if
all this is wrong, and we are meant for everything?
I don’t know, I’m sorry to be so noncommittal and I
apologize for the lack of a real conclusion, but this is a question that doesn’t
have a perfect answer.
Not yet.
Thank you all for reading my strange thoughts today! See you
all tomorrow for a much more normal post!
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See you all in tomorrow’s post!
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