What Am I?

Ciao lovelies! Today’s post was inspired by a problem that I’m sure hits almost every person my age, that existential crisis question of “What Am I?”

I know I’ve been writing a lot of opinion pieces lately, and I apologize, but I’ve had a lot of things on my mind as of late, and blogging is my way of “thinking out loud,” so to speak. It also helps me to articulate my feelings on these issues and to reach out to others possibly feeling the same as I do.

Recently I’ve been struggling with the idea of contentment in myself. I never feel satisfied with my own accomplishments, and my dreams and goals even seem ridiculous at times to myself. I often ask myself, “What Am I? What do I want to be in life? Where am I going? Why do I feel so lost?”

I know it’s pretty common for college students to feel this way. The huge transition from childhood to adulthood leaves most of us feeling pretty lost and displaced, questioning our identities, goals, and dreams. If most are anything like me, they’ll even question whether they’re truly “adults” and what being an adult means, and why they are still so unpredictable and unable to settle on one thing.

Part of the reason my blog is so non-niche (other than just wanting to appeal to more than one set of people), is because I am pretty unspecified in my interests. I can’t just be interested in one thing forever. My mind bounces all over the place. I like to write different things, research different things, I get philosophical at times, and other times I only care about fashion, or crafting, or Monster High.

I feel distraught, and along with my question of “What am I” I also think, “When will I be satisfied? 

 When will I find something that will make me happy and content to never adventure again?”

It will never happen.

My family lineage traces back to many places, like most people’s these days. My ancestors were sailors, and nomads, and crafters, but also homesteaders and settlers and farmers- where I come from is as diverse as my interests.

I have to wonder if the reason my generation is so unsatisfied is because we’re meant to do great things? Are we meant to traverse great lands and learn new things and build great technologies? Are we meant to explore the galaxy and meet new peoples and learn languages yet unformed?

Are we intended to be the forefront of opportunity and growth, of creation and innovation, of science and learning and love? Is this why we wonder so often what we are to become, because we are to become so many great things, that not one answer will ever satisfy us?

We’re explained away as the “lost” generation, stuck behind phones and screens and slaves to medicines and disorders and chaos- but what if all this is wrong, and we are meant for everything?

I don’t know, I’m sorry to be so noncommittal and I apologize for the lack of a real conclusion, but this is a question that doesn’t have a perfect answer. 

Not yet.

Thank you all for reading my strange thoughts today! See you all tomorrow for a much more normal post!

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See you all in tomorrow’s post!